He Who Tastes the Forbidden Blossom
by Spunky0ne
Summary: Renji has only ever known casual, physical love, but when he wins Byakuya's heart, he learns the hard way that change doesn't come easy. But can he learn to give his heart to only one person or will he sacrifice the best thing in his life to keep his freedom? Angst, mpreg,
1. The Tender Blossom

**He Who Tastes the Forbidden Blossom**

**By Spunky0ne**

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**(Just a note to Bya/Ren lovers: I have a policy of not writing Byakuya and Renji being purposely cruel to each other. And this story is no different. In my efforts to expand my writing horizons, I am taking a suggestion from Angel of Bleach to write a fic in which Renji is uneducated about true love. He was raised in a place where casual relationships were common and true love rare, so he is somewhat callous, but because he has never known real love. So, if you don't enjoy that sort of thing, then choose another story. This one won't be easy for me to write, but I think it's important for me to try different things sometimes. I hope you give it a try. Thanks for reading! Love, Spunky)**

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**Chapter 1: The Quarry**

Renji glanced up from the pages in front of him, stealing a glance at the quiet, perfectly focused noble sitting and working quietly at the desk across the room from his. He admired the comely face, the slender, graceful hand that dipped a brush in ink, then placed a straight line of elegantly formed symbols on the page, then set it aside and selected the next, his solemn gray eyes studying it carefully before setting the brush to it.

_Beautiful._

_I've always loved the way he looks, his scent, the way he moves when he fights. Who wouldn't want a piece of that, ne? But Kuchiki taichou is a noble, a clan leader, someone who usually wouldn't give a commoner like me the time of day._

_But sometimes, I catch him looking at me. I see his eyes stray away from his work and touch me from across the room. That's got to mean he's interested, right? I wonder what it would be like...to touch my rough lips to that pretty, white throat, to peel away that scarf he wears and rub my face against that soft skin, to bury myself in that sweet sakura scent._

_Yeah, we would kiss a few times, and then he'd smile and offer me a hand, lead me into his quarters, let me slowly undress him and see him completely unclothed and vulnerable. He'd be one I'd take my time with. It takes time to break down the barriers of a cold person like that and make those gray eyes get warm and lusty. But I'll do it, and then I'll lay him down on his bed and touch him everywhere. I'll make it better than anything he's ever felt before._

_Oh yeah, I'll make that pretty body shake all over with how good it feels to be loved by me. I'll make his tongue a slave to mine and touch every part of him inside. I'll take him slow and tease him until those sweet lips beg for me to move faster, harder. I'll make him come twice before I give in, then I'll fill him up inside with something he'll never get over the craving for. He'll be left with a craving for me, one that will make him feel lonely when I'm not there, that will make tears come to his eyes and make him say things that he wouldn't say to anyone else. He'll want my loving so badly that he'll do anything for me...anything I ask._

_Anything._

"Renji?"

"Eh, yeah Taichou?"

"Were you going to give me the updates on the progress of our group in Karakura Town or were you just going to sit there staring at me blankly?"

"Ah, sorry Taichou," he said, rising.

He took his time crossing the room and made sure that his rough fingers brushed against Byakuya softer ones in the exchange. Then, he smirked at the slight tremor the contact caused in the noble's fine hand. He gave Byakuya a melting smile and nodded.

"That do it for you, sir?" he said casually.

Byakuya raised an eyebrow.

"Tea would be nice."

_Shit, I forgot about that. He's kind of anal about it. About everything really. But wait until he's my lover. He'll be bringing me tea and begging for me to lay him across that desk of his and..._

"Abarai?"

"Sorry, I'm going."

Byakuya bit gently at his lip and stole a glance at the redhead's bright, thick hair and strong, proud back.

_I know that you want something more from me. Your reiatsu harasses mine almost painfully now. But there is something predatory in it. It is something that makes me wonder if you really love me, or if this is just a game to you._

_I want so much to love you, Renji. But I look at how many people love you, how many people notice you that way. I couldn't fall for someone who would just make me another name on his list of lovers. It would have to mean something._

_It would have to be real._

He looked up as the door opened and Tetsuya entered the office. He smiled warmly at his cousin, his blue eyes glancing about.

"Are you ready to go?" he asked, "I have Arashi outside."

"Go?" Byakuya said absently.

"To the special council meeting. You told me this morning to..."

"Oh, right, yes. I am ready. Just, let me get changed."

He flash stepped to his quarters, leaving Tetsuya alone in the office. He sat down in the chair next to Byakuya's desk to wait, but looked up and smiled as Renji entered the room.

"Hey Tetsuya!" Renji said, grinning, "What happened to Taichou? He have to go somewhere?"

"We have an elders meeting."

"Ah, then I guess he won't be needing the tea."

"Hmmm."

Renji set the tea down on his own desk and sat down. He watched Tetsuya out of the corner of an eye while he pretended to read a report.

A hell butterfly floated into the room and paused in front of the young noble and Tetsuya nodded briefly.

"Kuchiki-san, the gift you ordered for your cousin's birthday has arrived and is ready to be picked up."

Renji smiled.

"What did you get for him?"

"Oh," said Tetsuya, "I found a very unique moon charm while in the living world and I ordered a similar one made by a dealer here. One with his birthstone."

"That's really great," Renji said, letting a sad look invade his eyes, "He deserves something nice like that. I was trying to find something special, but things are a little tight since I moved to a new apartment."

"I am sorry to hear that," Tetsuya said kindly, "Well, if you know of something you want to get for him, why don't you let me help you out? I know that my cousin would love whatever you chose for him. He really respects you, Renji-san."

Renji flinched.

"Right, and I respect him too. But I'm not really good at picking out gifts. I wish that I had your taste. But then, you are his cousin. I am sure that he tells you things he wouldn't tell anyone else. That's why you know just what he'll like."

Tetsuya's eyes clouded slightly as he considered Renji's words, then he brightened.

"Renji-san, why don't you go and pick up the gift I bought him? You can give him that, and I will give him the other gift that I had in mind for him."

"Aw, no, I couldn't do that," Renji said, blushing, "That would be..."

"No, Renji-san, I think that would be good. He would really appreciate that, coming from you."

"Well, if you don't mind," Renji said, looking relieved, "That would be a load off my mind and it will really make him happy. I don't want you to tell him or anything, but you know, Tetsuya-san, I...I have to confess. I really like Taichou a lot. And I've been trying to let him know that, but it's pretty hard saying that to someone like him, you know? Taichou? Clan leader? And as gorgeous as he is? It's a little intimidating."

"I understand," said Tetsuya, "but my cousin likes you also, Renji-san."

"He does?"

"Yes. Byakuya-sama is a shy person, but he does feel closer to you after all of that business with Aizen Sousuke. Like I said, he respects you."

"But, do you think that he would ever be, you know, _interested _in me?" Renji asked.

Tetsuya smiled.

"I think he is already quite interested. But Byakuya-sama is somewhat naive about love. He will probably need for you to 'make the first move,' but then he will open up."

"You think so?" Renji asked.

"Yes."

The conversation ended as Byakuya returned to the room dressed in a stunning formal blue and gray kimono.

"Oh, Abarai, my apologies," he said, seeing the tea on Renji's desk, "I had forgotten I had an elders meeting."

"No problem, Taichou. Just have lunch with me tomorrow and we'll call it even, okay?"

"Wh-what?" Byakuya asked, blinking in surprise.

Renji grinned good naturedly.

"Go out to lunch with me tomorrow and I'll give you your birthday gift and I'll forget about the tea," he laughed.

Byakuya turned his head away slightly to hide the instant blush that rose onto his cheeks.

"Very well, Renji. If you will excuse us, then."

Renji returned to his work and sat, sipping at the tea, even though it wasn't his favorite kind, and watching as Byakuya fell in with Tetsuya and left the office. As soon as he was sure they were gone, he was out of his seat and down the block, flash stepping into the jewelry store.

"Ah, Abarai-san," said the owner, "Tetsuya-san sent a hell butterfly, saying to deliver the package we were holding to you."

He took out a small box and opened it to show Renji the lovely, expensive handmade pendant.

"Beautiful," Renji said appreciatively.

_Taichou is going to faint when I give him this! It's amazing. I wonder how Tetsuya-san ever even found something like this. He's sure to know how much I like him now. Tetsuya-san's a good guy to help me out like this. I have a real chance with Taichou now. I just know he's going to know I'm serious now._

He walked back towards the office, slipping the package into his pocket and smiling as Hisagi Shuuhei appeared ahead of him.

"Hey Shuu," he greeted the other man, "Why aren't you working?"

"Oh, I have the day off. But, I thought you were working."

"Well," said Renji, smiling, "Actually, Kuchiki taichou had a meeting to go to, and I finished up my work, so I'm not busy. Wanna come see my new apartment?"

"Sure," said Shuuhei, smiling back as Renji slipped an arm around him and offered him a kiss on the mouth, "We can break in that new bed you bought, ne?"

"My thoughts exactly," said the redhead, "It's been too long since we were together."

"Shut up, you ass. We had sex last night!" laughed Shuuhei, "Several times. Don't you remember?"

"Yeah, I think I remember something about that," Renji joked, stopping at his apartment building and opening the door for the other man.

The two rode the elevator up, kissing all the way and were joking and laughing as they stepped out into the hallway.

"Renji?"

The redhead froze for a moment, then exchanged a knowing glance with Shuuhei.

"Hey Taichou, I thought you had an elders' meeting."

"Yes, well, we arrived and found that it had to be rescheduled. I was on my way home and wanted to discuss something with you. But, I see you are busy. I will speak to you in the morning."

"Oh that's okay," Shuuhei said, turning towards the stairs, "I was just walking him home and chatting. I'll see you, Renji."

"All right. Take care, Shuu," Renji said, nodding in farewell.

He looked back at Byakuya, who still stood at his apartment door.

"Well," he said, making sure he brushed up against the noble as he passed him and enjoying the slight shiver that passed through his taichou, "You're here. Why don't you come in for a sec?"

"Well, actually..."

"I can give you your birthday present now."

"But, my birthday isn't until tomorrow, Abarai," the clan leader objected, "But as I will be...busy tomorrow and won't be able to have lunch with you..."

"You mean, you're breaking our date?" Renji said, looking back at him with a hurt expression.

Byakuya looked away for a moment.

"I am sorry, Renji. I just..."

He broke off, an uncomfortable look overtaking his features.

"Well, to be honest, I was having second thoughts," the noble admitted.

"What?"

"Renji, I know that you are a carefree sort of person, and I certainly don't want to make you uncomfortable. But I look at relationships a bit differently than you do. And because of my obligations to the clan, I have to be cautious in even more casual dating."

Renji studied him quietly for a moment and closed the apartment door.

"So, you think that I just want to see you casually?" he asked.

"Don't you?" Byakuya asked in response.

Renji continued to look into the noble's eyes and produced the silver moon pendant.

"Does this look like the kind of gift I would give someone that I was only interested in casually?" he asked.

Byakuya's face paled and he swallowed hard at the sight of the lovely charm.

"Renji," he said breathlessly, "That is...exquisite! It must have been very expensive. And you just bought and furnished a new apartment. I know you had to take an advance to do that. And you bought this for me?"

Renji moved forward and fastened the silver chain around the noble's throat, then touched the pretty moon charm with a fingertip.

"When I saw it, I just thought of you. And I knew that I had to get it for you. It's special, like you're special. I admit that I don't usually do exclusive relationships, Taichou. But you know, I'm willing to give this a try if it means that you'll go out with me. I think you're really beautiful, and I think we'd be good together. Hell, we already have a great time sparring and we get along really well."

"But, Abarai, I cannot ask you to change who you are for me," Byakuya said, shaking his head, "You are a spirited person. I like that about you. Dating a clan leader is a more serious thing. There are certain expectations that will not be easy for you. Are you sure that you are ready for such a thing?"

Renji took a steadying breath and pushed the noble back against the door, capturing his mouth in a powerful, plundering, open-mouthed kiss. Byakuya stiffened as his mouth was invaded, then felt intense warmth wash over him, gripping him and holding him in place as he was kissed in a way that no one had ever kissed him before. He couldn't look at the man kissing him and couldn't stop the rough, but gentle hands that slowly undressed him. He remained frozen in Renji's arms as the redhead carefully prepared him and took him, still standing and pressed back against the door.

"R-renji!" he gasped, "Renji, I cannot...!"

"Shh," the redhead said, kissing away his objections, "Just let it happen, Taichou. I've been wanting you for a really long time. And I've seen how you look at me."

Byakuya went quiet, loosing Renji's hair from his hair tie and then burying his face in it.

"Renji!"

He sucked in a shocked breath as Renji's hand touched him more intimately.

"Ah!"

"It feels good, right?" Renji whispered, "And I promise, I'll always make you feel this good."

He chuckled as Byakuya's body shivered, and the noble panted out an apology as he climaxed suddenly.

"That's okay," Renji assured him, holding himself still and lifting the overcome noble.

He held on tightly and carried him to the bed, then lowered him down gently.

"Renji, this wasn't supposed to happen."

"So? It did. And I'm not sorry. You see how much I love you now, ne? And actually, that isn't all. I love you even more than that. Let me show you."

"Renji..."

"Shh," he hissed softly, quieting the noble with kisses and letting his hands roam over Byakuya's sweating body, calming him, then slowly teasing him until he was aroused again.

He grinned as Byakuya's head fell back and his eyes closed in surrender. He joined with the noble again, caressing his face and brushing his lips soothingly against Byakuya's, and pleasuring him as the wondrous sensations captivated his body and brought him quickly to a state that made him quiver warningly and lose his breath as he climaxed again.

"R-renji!"

He moaned loudly, his voice rising into a sweet, soulful cry as Renji's heat exploded inside him.

"You've never been loved like this, have you?" Renji panted, looking down into Byakuya's wide, dazed eyes, "Not by your wife or anyone else, ne?"

"I...have never been loved at all," Byakuya confessed, the words sending a chill down the redhead's spine, "Hisana was too ill. I couldn't ask it of her. Renji, I was a virgin."


	2. White Stag

**Chapter 2: White Stag**

_He was a virgin?_ Renji thought, his head spinning and his body still humming with satedness, _Where I come from, virginity is something that many to most surrender early. Whether in exchange for some vital need, or for comfort in the face of the hell we lived in, or to gain a higher place in a gang or group's hierarchy, virginity is a bargaining chip that the majority surrender all too soon. That being said, one who can reach full adulthood without surrendering his or her virginity is a prize, a person to be respected deeply when he or she finally takes that step...the fabled 'white stag' that should be treasured by the one gifted with them._

_What did I just do?_

_I should apologize to him. I never even thought. The guy was married, so anyone would think that meant they had slept together before. Yeah, I should apologize now. But if I do that, he'll think that he gave it to the wrong guy._

_But honestly, what virgin noble in his right mind would think I am the 'right guy' to give it up for?_

"Renji?" Byakuya queried, giving him a curious look.

"Y-yeah, oh, sorry Taichou," the redhead answered, blinking, "You just threw me for a loop there. You were a virgin? Really?"

_Maybe I heard him wrong._

"I told you," the noble said, the flush on his face making Renji's heart skip, "My wife was too ill. I loved Hisana, but because of her fragility, I did not want to risk making her pregnant. I have never done anything like this."

Renji hesitated for a moment, his mind still reeling from the noble's admission.

"Does that mean that you think it was a mistake or something?" he asked finally, his eyes taking on a troubled look, "I thought that you'd been interested in me for a while. I've noticed how you look at me, you know."

Byakuya's blush deepened and the beautiful sight of that strong, untouchable man becoming vulnerable for him registered deep within the redhead.

"I...don't know," Byakuya admitted, "I told you. I didn't come here with the intention of doing this."

"Yeah, you came to break our date. I remember. But haven't you ever had one of 'those crazy things' happen to you, Taichou? You know, where you _don't_ plan it. But it happens. And once it does, it changes everything."

Byakuya nudged his way free of Renji and sat up. He shivered as he felt a dribble of wetness on his inner thigh.

_What did I just do?_ the noble mused inwardly, _After what happened to Hisana when she was raped by those men in Inuzuri, I of all people know about the dangers of unprotected sex. And having it with someone I know to be sexually promiscuous. Not to mention that because of my vow of obedience to the clan, I or any partner I have unprotected sex with could become pregnant._

_This was wrong._

"Abarai," he said quietly, "I do not doubt your sincerity, however, I do have issues with the idea of one just suddenly changing who he is. I know that you have had other sexual partners."

"I won't anymore," Renji promised, slipping an arm around him and kissing him soothingly, "Taichou, you're really special to me. I never even thought that you would like me like that. What I did with other guys was just some lonely guys having fun together. No commitments. But, you know, you meet that 'one right person' and you don't need casual sex. You have something way better than that. You know what I mean?"

"I don't know," Byakuya answered honestly, "I have never had casual sex. As a clan heir and then clan leader, I had to think about possible consequences...diseases or unplanned pregnancy."

"Oh," Renji said, "Well, I don't...erm..._didn't_ just do it with anybody. The guys are all my friends. We're all guys, so there's no risk of pregnancy. And we're all healthy."

"But you don't use condoms."

"No, they just feel awkward. I like it better natural."

Byakuya sighed.

"Then, you will not enjoy being with me, because I will not do this again unless we use them."

"Ah," said Renji, looking uncomfortable, "Okay. Not a problem. We'll use condoms."

"And if you plan to have other sexual partners, I cannot risk being involved with you. I do not say this frivolously, Renji. I am a clan leader, who must at all times be careful of his reputation. I cannot be seen as promiscuous or behave scandalously in public."

"I get that. You want me to be discreet about us. Okay."

"I cannot be careless or irresponsible with my health. And I must tell you that..."

"Hey," said Renji, a flicker of annoyance in his voice, "I told you that the guys I've been with are all healthy. Don't worry about that. I'm not even going to be with them anymore."

"And you find it easy to simply stop having sex with them?" Byakuya asked, "Because, I will be honest with you. To me, sex is not a casual thing. When I have sex with someone, I do so for love, and no other reason. I do not consider it a sacrifice to remain monogamous, but that being said, I know that this is not the way you think. You are popular among your peers. I am sure that you have no trouble attracting whoever you want to be with."

"Sheesh," Renji said, frowning, "You make it sound like there's something wrong with me. I just told you that when I am in love with someone, I am only with that person."

"Have you ever been in that kind of love, Abarai?" Byakuya asked bluntly.

"Uh...no, actually," admitted the redhead, "But that's always been the understanding between me and my friends. There's 'fucking around' and then there's 'being in a relationship.' I didn't ask you to be a casual partner. I'm ready to settle down and be with just you. I...really like you, Taichou. I told you. You're special."

Byakuya's expression softened.

"I am glad to hear that," he confessed, "You are correct that I have been aware of you this way for some time. I was only hesitant because we are so very different. I want to believe that those differences will enrich our association, although we both know that they will complicate things sometimes. But we work together amicably in our division. I have every confidence that we will find our balance in a love relationship as well. But you must be honest with me, Renji. If you find yourself overwhelmed by the pressure of dating a clan leader, you need to tell me so that I can do something to help you."

"I will," Renji said, a smile overtaking his face as he felt the tension between them fade.

He wrapped his arms around the noble and started to lay him down again. Byakuya stiffened, making the redhead stare at him questioningly.

"What's wrong?" he asked, frowning, "I thought we could do it again. We just agreed to an exclusive relationship, ne?"

"We did," Byakuya agreed, "But that being the case, I think we should slow down a bit and just 'date' for a time."

"But...we already had sex," the redhead objected, "We can't really put that horse back in the barn now."

"That 'horse' should never have escaped in the first place," the noble said unhappily, "This is not the way that noble relationships are supposed to happen. Ideally, you would make an official visit to the manor to inquire as to my status and interest. After which, we would see each other publicly for a time before engaging in intercourse. We have 'skipped ahead,' so a visit and request would seem awkward."

"Well, so will dating without sex," Renji mused, "I mean, I'm saving it for you so why can't we have sex?"

Byakuya went quiet for a moment, then sighed softly.

"Perhaps you are right," he said finally, "It is a lot to ask of someone who is used to having regular sexual activity. And I do want you to feel satisfied with me."

Renji grinned at the renewed flush that returned to the noble's handsome face. He tried to lay Byakuya down on the bed again, but met with the same resistance.

"What's wrong now?" he asked, beginning to sound exasperated, "You said that we could have sex. Now, you don't want to?"

"Renji, we have just had sex. And before we go on, we need to procure condoms. And you should have a physical and tests for..."

"Hey! I just _had_ a full physical and told you I am healthy and don't have any diseases. Could you please stop worrying about that? And we'll use condoms next time. I promise. I just want to make love to you. I'm thrilled that we're together and I really want to enjoy that."

"Yes," Byakuya agreed, "but part of a relationship is being sensitive to the needs of your partner. And I have fed you sexually, have I not?"

"Yeah, but...I wasn't really 'done' yet."

"I have to return to the division and finish some work. But if you wish, we can spend the night in my quarters afterwards."

"That sounds good," Renji said, giving the noble a tight lipped smile, "I'll come by in a couple of hours, okay?"

"Very well," Byakuya answered, blushing again, "I look forward to seeing you."

"Yeah," said the redhead, grabbing him and plunging into his mouth for a scintillating kiss.

He smiled at the tremor he felt in the noble's slender body as they kissed.

"See you in a bit, Taichou," he said in a low, sultry voice.

Byakuya swallowed hard, shifting to cover the rising evidence of his own renewed arousal. He stood, then caught his breath softly at the traces of blood that had been left behind. Renji saw him staring and followed his gaze, then smiled sympathetically.

"Sorry, Taichou," he said sincerely, "I didn't mean to be rough. I was just...really into you. You're pretty damned amazing. Very sexy."

Unsure how to answer, Byakuya lowered his eyes.

"Thank you. But Renji, you should stop calling me that in private."

"What do you want me to call you? Byakuya taichou? Byakuya-san?"

"J-just Byakuya-when we are alone. Otherwise, my military designation is fine."

"Sure. Okay then. Byakuya, I'll see you in a couple of hours."

"Yes, I will see you then."

Byakuya left quickly, taking the stairs and flash stepping all of the way back to the division.

Renji watched as the noble started down the stairs, then closed the door and leaned against it for a moment, remembering.

_Gods, he was so...fucking beautiful...so tight. He smelled so damned good and his skin and hair were softer than silk. I really don't want to mess this up. He's the kind of person where, if you screw with his heart, he's going to kick you to the curb, and he won't look back. So, I really need to stay on the 'straight and narrow.'_

_But he's worth it._

_He's so fucking worth it!_

Renji startled as a knock sounded on the door, and opened it expecting that Byakuya must have forgotten something.

"Hello, beautiful," he laughed, "You back for more?"

He gasped in surprise as he realized he was looking at Hisagi Shuuhei, and that the other man was smirking and moving forward to kiss him. Renji stepped back and put up his opened hands.

"Wh-whoa! Sorry, Shuu. I uh...thought you were..."

He paused, remembering what Byakuya had said about being discreet.

"Uh, sorry."

"Hey, what's wrong?" Shuuhei asked, stopping a short distance away from him, "Was it something I said? I thought we were going to try out that bed of yours."

He sucked in a surprised breath as he took in the light hint of sakura in the air, Renji's disheveled state, the rumpled bedding on the bed and reconsidered what the redhead had said when he had entered the room.

"Oh," he said, still smiling, "Did I interrupt you and Kuchiki taichou?"

"Wh-wha...? No," Renji said quickly, "He was here, but he, ah, just left."

"Just left, huh? So? How did that go? Are you guys an item now? Is that why you're acting so standoffish all of a sudden?"

"Um," Renji sighed, scratching the back of his neck nervously, "Look, Shuu, I'll tell you, but you can't spread gossip around. I am seeing Kuchiki taichou exclusively now. We just got together."

Shuuhei smirked.

"Got together, huh? Sounds like someone finally got a piece of the Kuchiki! Renji, you dog! I'm so jealous. Kuchiki taichou. Wow! That guy is the wet dream come true for guys like us, ne? He's a real life prince. You're really lucky."

"I think so too," Renji said, biting his lip gently, "And I don't want to mess this up. But Shuu, I have never been in a relationship like this. And it's way more complicated than just keeping myself from screwing around. He's a clan leader. He's got all of these rules he has to follow, and we have to be careful of his reputation."

"You scared?"

Renji felt a jolt of anger at the words, but the feeling was quickly undone by the sincerity in his friend's expression. And somehow, it made it easier for him to let the truth out.

"I'm terrified," he admitted, "I think I really am in love with him, because...I'm scared as hell of losing him!"

"Don't worry about it," Shuuhei said, slipping an arm around him, "If you get overwhelmed, just come and talk to me. I won't let you screw up. I'll help keep you sane while you do this."

Renji gave him a relieved smile.

"Thanks. You're a really good friend. I'm going to miss our fun and games."

"Well, we'll still see each other at the dance club, ne? We'll play cards and such?"

"Y-yeah, sure," Renji said uncertainly, "Just...I don't think Taichou's into that stuff, so..."

He swallowed hard, his heart pounding.

"Shuu, what the hell an I doing? Kuchiki taichou? Kuchiki fucking taichou? What was I thinking, taking him to bed like that? Now, everything's going to be so different."

"Hey, Renji," the other man said, taking him by the shoulders and meeting his eyes squarely, "Do you love him?"

"W-well, I..." Renji stammered breathlessly, "I...don't know. I've never been in love with anyone, you know? Not like that. But, I do like him a lot! And I'm really going to try to make this work. Yeah...yeah, I think I really do love him."

"Then, you'll be okay," Shuuhei said, hugging him, "You and Kuchiki taichou are going to be really happy together."

"Thanks," Renji sighed, closing his eyes and feeling keenly the change taking place between them, "You're the best, Shuu."

XXXXXXXXXX

Byakuya passed through the division office and went straight into his quarters, where he undressed and stepped into the shower. He shivered as the water ran down his body and he was reminded of the feel of that odd wetness running down his inner thigh.

_Perhaps it just requires getting used to._

His mind spun with memory and related emotion, a tumble of confused sensations and reactions that left him feeling weary and unnerved. He tried to connect with the feelings he had been having about the redhead. But where the initial emotions had been light, even somewhat romantic, the reality of having sex with Renji left him blushing hotly and aroused again.

_He is a very passionate person. I know that our relationship will be sexually fulfilling. I just wonder if it will really be so easy for Renji to remain monogamous. He hasn't been that way before. And although I know that he has the best intentions, I do not know if he realizes how his life is going to change._

He tried to think things through further, but was overtaken again by the memory of Renji's sudden and deeply passionate taking of his body. He closed his eyes, feeling again the sudden, hard kisses, those rough, calloused hands peeling his clothes away and the way he was taken, still standing and pressed back against the door. His aroused member swelled as he recalled the deep invasion, the surge of adrenaline, and the desire to say such things as he had never said to another person.

He moaned softly and his eyelids fluttered as the ache in his loins increased. And although he wasn't one to cave into his physical cravings as such, his hand slid down his body, and he touched himself as Renji had. Those places still ached and stung slightly from the rough treatment, but the noble found the memory of his taking, dangerously erotic even to just remember after the heat of the encounter had faded. His aroused member twitched and leaked under his hand, and he wondered what it would be like to lay Renji down in his bed and do the same things to him.

_We did not speak about it. But I imagine that 'turnabout' is acceptable._

He imagined the redhead in just that situation and felt himself suddenly begin to climax at the thought alone. He gazed down at himself dazedly, his heart pounding.

_What is this? This feeling of such intoxication. I only began to feel this way when Renji touched me. And now, even thinking about him brings those powerful, uncontrolled feelings of lust and longing out of me. But...as much as those emotions are passionate and fulfilling, they also feel somehow threatening. I do not know what that means._

He washed himself thoroughly, then stepped out of the shower and dressed. He returned to the office and tried to focus on the papers in front of him, but found himself too distracted. As time passed and Renji's return loomed closer, he felt an odd mixture of anticipation and apprehension.

_I do look forward to being with him...yet...the emotions he evokes in me, the deep, enthralling passion. It sets off warning bells inside me._

He wondered if he had made a mistake. And as the time wound down, he shook his head and swallowed hard, taking a fresh sheet of paper and thinking carefully.

_Renji, _he wrote, _I apologize for not being here as planned. However, I became ill upon returning to the division and had to return home. I will see you in the morning. My apologies for disappointing you. I hope that..._

He inhaled in surprise and pulled the page off of his desk, crumpling it in his hand and dropping it in his wastebasket as the door suddenly opened and Renji entered the room.

_Why do I feel like this?_

_I feel like running from him. Am I afraid? This is so unlike me? What is wrong with me?_

"Hey, am I too early?"

"N-no," Byakuya answered, shaking his head briefly and quickly clearing off his desk.

He rose and turned towards the hallway, Renji a step behind him as they entered his bedroom. He turned back and closed the door, then stood gazing at the redhead as Renji looked back at him.

"You all right, Taichou?" Renji said, smiling at him, "You look kinda nervous."

"I told you to call me Byakuya when we are alone," the noble corrected him, "And I am fine."

Renji studied him more closely.

"You don't look fine to me," he said quietly, "You look like a guy who is about to be eaten alive. I'm not some sex-crazed monster you know, Byakuya. If you are not into having sex with me right now, just tell me. We'll...soak in your hot tub over there and talk so you can unwind from work. Then, we can just see where it goes from there. Not everything we do has to include sex."

"Thank you, Renji," Byakuya said, relaxing somewhat, "But the truth is that I am looking forward to our sexual interactions. It is just that I would rather like to take things slower and enjoy them more this time."

Renji broke into a pleased grin.

"Really? You've got it, Taichou...Byakuya. We'll take our time this time."

"Very well," said the noble, "And when we make love this time, I would like to take you...if you don't mind."

"What?" Renji asked, his eyes widening, "you're kidding me, right?"

"No," Byakuya said solemnly, "I gave myself to you today, and I was hoping that tonight, you would do the same for me. Do you have a problem with that, Renji?"


	3. Break the Ice

**Chapter 3: Break the Ice**

_"You've got it, Taichou...Byakuya. We'll take our time this time."_

_"Very well," said the noble, "And when we make love this time, I would like to take you...if you don't mind."_

_"What?" Renji asked, his eyes widening, "you're kidding me, right?"_

_"No," Byakuya said solemnly, "I gave myself to you today, and I was hoping that tonight, you would do the same for me. Do you have a problem with that, Renji?"_

"Ah," Renji said anxiously, "Well, actually Byakuya...the truth is..."

"We are lovers, are we not?" Byakuya asked quietly.

"Well, yeah, of course. I think we already took that step. But..."

"And when we come to this place together, we forget our other boundaries, ne?" the noble went on, "I may be your taichou, but in this place, I let that take a place of lesser importance. Here, we are equals. We give and take both. Is that not how it should be?"

"Uh," Renji stammered, "L-look, Taichou-"

"Byakuya," said the noble, "Renji, you do consider us equal here, ne? Or is it that my inexperience as a lover makes you see me as lesser?"

"Oh, kami, no, Byakuya!" Renji said quickly, groping for an explanation, "But I've never actually...let anyone take me."

"I see," said Byakuya, "So, you have always relegated your lovers to the role of the 'woman' in your lovemaking? Does that mean that you look down on them? And more to the point, does that mean that, in this place, you look down on me?"

"No! I never said that! I just never let someone do that to me, that's all! It's special. I was saving that for...!"

He stopped himself, his eyes widening as he realized what he had implied.

"I didn't mean that!"

"Renji, I think you should leave," Byakuya said calmly.

"I said that I didn't mean it that way!"

"How else could you mean it?" asked the noble, "The implication of calling that act 'special' and reserving it for someone else who you haven't necessarily even met means that you do not expect a relationship with me to last. Therefore..."

"Stop it, okay! I didn't mean it like that," Renji objected, holding up his hands defensively, "I just meant that I want to have some choice about how I do something like that!"

Byakuya's eyes narrowed warningly, making Renji flinch.

"Like the amount of choice you offered me?" he asked with icy sarcasm, "I can see that I have made a rather large mistake. I thought that you were sincerely interested in me, as I was honestly interested in you. But, it seems that you wanted someone to warm your bed until the right person came along. I assure you, I am not that person. Get out, Renji. Just go!"

Byakuya turned away before the redhead could answer, and flash stepped out the door into the small garden outside his quarters. He stared up at the full moon, his heart throbbing painfully inside him.

_He looks down on me. I am a clan leader and a taichou, but this man, this commoner sees me as less than him when we cross that threshold._

_What was I thinking?_

His eyes stung as he closed them against sudden, hot tears.

_He just wanted me to lower myself._

_But is that really a surprise? All along, he told me that he wanted to surpass me. He wanted to defeat me. Well, I imagine he has what he wanted. What I let him do to me...I have never let anyone do that. I gave in to him because I feel something very profound for him, but Renji doesn't feel the same._

A tear slid down one proud cheek.

_He just wanted a way to feel like he was better than me._

_I was so stupid._

"T-taichou?"

Byakuya turned his head aside to avoid the redhead's eyes.

"I told you to leave."

"I will," Renji said penitently, "I just wanted to say that I'm...sorry that I gave you the wrong idea. Really. Look, I never imagined that someone like you would even notice me. When you did, I just...I lost it. You're just so damned beautiful and you smell so good. Your skin is so soft, I couldn't help myself! I'm sorry that I acted that way and didn't give you the chance to really decide to give in to me. Maybe it's selfish after doing something like that to ask you to be patient with me about turning things around. But, I just need some time and the right situation to get to that point."

"Hmmm," sighed the noble, "Well, Abarai, you know where to find me when you are willing to look me in the eye as an equal partner. I think that as much as you have the right to decide that, I have the right to hold myself back from a situation in which I am seen as less than a man."

"Does that mean that I'm less than a man if I let you fuck me?" asked Renji.

"No," explained the noble, "Because I would receive you into my body without hesitation. The only reason that I am balking now is because you do not see me in the same light."

"Well," said Renji, following Byakuya's eyes up to the glowing moon, "maybe it's kind of because you already have the upper hand, here at work. You get to be the taichou twenty-four, seven. And I'm always your fukutaichou. You're also noble and a clan leader, two things I can never be. I am Rukon born and I am your subordinate. Is it too much to ask that somewhere, sometime, I get to be the one on top?"

Byakuya sighed and lowered his eyes.

"I suppose not, if that is an issue for you. So, you resent me for holding the titles that I do?"

"No! I didn't say I resent you," Renji said, an edge of exasperation in his voice, "I just said that it would make me feel more...I don't know...more _worthy_ of you. Less like some nobody from the Rukongai who isn't good enough to be with you."

Byakuya's frown deepened.

"Is that really how you feel, Renji?" he asked softly, "If so, I think it is not that you fear I will look down on you. It is that you already look down on yourself. And that being the case, I think you need to be more self confident on your own before you seek reinforcement from me."

Renji let out a resigned breath.

"So...you are saying that you don't want to see me?" he asked unhappily.

"Renji, you are in a different place than me. Please do not misunderstand me. This is not about where you come from or what ranking you have. This is about one person who wants to meet another with no boundaries, and nothing holding them back. But when you set a barrier between us, you bring back all of those things that set us apart from each other. We are two men who are attracted to each other. Should we not both be able to express that as men of equal standing?"

Renji lowered his eyes and let out a breath of resignation.

"Fine. If it's going to keep you from being with me, then have it your way."

"You are missing the point, Renji," Byakuya said, barely audibly, "I am not asking you to give in to me. I am asking you to stand on equal ground with me...to be as ready to receive my love as I am to receive yours."

Renji kept his eyes lowered and his gaze averted. He bit his lip gently, thinking for several long minutes.

"Okay," he said finally, "I get it. And it's fine. Just...I am kind of nervous about it, so..."

He went silent as Byakuya turned and gathered him in a warm embrace. He attacked the redhead's surprised mouth forcefully, stealing Renji's breath away and making him stare at the beautiful man in front of him.

_Oh gods, I really don't want to screw this up...ever! He's so..._

A powerful, lusty shiver went through him as Byakuya turned them back inside and led him to the hot tub. The noble turned away and slipped out of his clothes, while Renji watched with riveted, firelit eyes. He hung his clothes on hooks beside the hot tub, then stepped down onto the first step. Renji stopped him, and Byakuya looked back at him curiously.

"Renji, what...?"

"Just trust me. Sit down on the edge, with your legs in the water..._just_ your legs."

"Oh...very well," the noble said uncertainly.

He complied quietly, watching through smoky eyes as Renji peeled his clothes away, revealing the full complement of his tattoos. A shiver went through Byakuya at just how handsome and dangerous the younger man looked, naked and stalking towards him, stopping just short and stepping down into the water.

"You look kinda tired," he told Byakuya, "How about I rub you down a little to relax you?"

Byakuya gazed back at him silently for a moment, then nodded in assent.

"Close your eyes."

Byakuya took one more look at Renji's beautifully tattooed body, then let his eyes slide shut. He quivered involuntarily as something warm was dribbled onto his skin and he smelled almonds.

"Almond oil," Renji explained, his warm, rough hands massaging the oil into the noble's shoulders, chest, arms and back as he spoke, "It soothes...helps keep your skin soft and goes really well with the scent of sakura, ne?"

"Yes," Byakuya agreed, "It does."

Byakuya shivered as Renji's fingers brushed a sensitive place, then went on to explore and caress him all over. Most of the touches were relaxing and soothing, but with his eyes closed, the noble found himself responding more and more strongly to the light teasings of his erogenous zones. He loosed a soft, unbidden moan as Renji moved forward, still running his hands over Byakuya's lovely, pale body and sinking into his mouth for several long, deep kisses. He released the noble's lips and kissed his throat, just beneath an earlobe, then ran a line of kisses down the side of his neck, along his fine-carved collarbone, slowly over one pale breast, pausing to tease him until he was flushed and panting softly.

"Renji..." he moaned.

The redhead chuckled and continued placing kisses on his soft belly, making a haphazrd line of them down to his navel. He earned a more lusty groan from Byakuya as he plunged into the little round recess, then let his tongue slide slowly out again. Byakuya leaned back on his hands, catching his breath as the redhead began a more seductive and pleasing manipulation.

"Renji!" Byakuya moaned again, his fingers curling.

He couldn't help but steal glances as Renji's mouth pleasured him, sending small shivers and heady jolts of rising pleasure through him. One hand slipped into Renji's hair and loosed the hair tie holding it back, sending it falling in crimson waves down onto his tattooed shoulders, adding brightness to the already sharp contrasts of black tattoo and tanned skin.

_He is so exotically beautiful...so different from anyone else_, Byakuya mused inwardly, _I am glad we came to an agreement. I think I would have eventually agreed to anything to be with him. I am just glad that he and I could come to even ground together. Yes...this is...so wonderful, being with him this way._

_I love you, Renji._

_I have for some time, I think, but I don't dare say the words. If you are not ready to give yourself to me, then it would likely be too much to hear those words from me. I cannot wait to say them to you, but I will force myself to wait until you are ready. Take your time, Renji. Grow into love slowly, if that is what you need. I want this to last forever!_

His eyes wanted so much to drift closed, but he couldn't tear his eyes away from the sight of the redhead, on his knees, with the hot water bubbling all around him, the ends of his red mane dipping into the pool as the rest moving with him while he continued what he was doing. His eyes closed and his flushed face deeply contented, he slowly began to prepare Byakuya for their joining.

Byakuya suffered just a moment of regret as Renji coaxed him into the water, where he knelt on the step with his back to the redhead and his body braced at the edge.

_It feels so good having him love me this way. I love feeling connected to him like this, feeling his strength while he makes love to me._

_Why doesn't Renji want to feel this?_

_Is it that he doesn't want to feel my strength? My power? He wants me to be weaker, to be held, possessed and penetrated, but he won't let himself be trapped that way? _

_Trapped?_

_He has had only casual relationships. He has never stayed with any one person. And I feel like his refusal puts me in the league with those he has tasted briefly, then set aside as 'not the one.' I won't be a place marker in anyone's life. As much as I feel for this man, I cannot let him simply bend me to his will, then abandon me._

_How is it that, for all his protestations that he wants to be with just me, I am so certain this man will break my heart? And knowing that my heart will be broken, why can't I follow through and just walk away? Will I bend until I break for him? Will I sacrifice everything, only to learn that he is going to leave me?_

Pain, mingled with pleasure, jolted his body as Renji took him. The redhead's strong hands grasped him almost painfully as they moved together. The collision of that powerful, beautiful body with his, the passion in the hands that held him, and the delicious heat all around them, stole Byakuya out of his thoughts. Whatever reservations he had could not withstand the intense pleasure of becoming one with his red-haired lover. He moved with Renji, soft gasps and hungry moans escaping him. Renji's body went taut against his back, and seething heat erupted inside the noble. The sensation brought him to the very edges of bliss and he ached for Renji to move again, to touch him somewhere, _anywhere_, to bring him to climax. He could have cried as the redhead pulled away and Renji sank down onto the bench, sighing contentedly.

"Oh my god, Taichou, you are..._amazing_!" the redhead panted, closing his eyes.

He reached out a hand under the water, but Byakuya pretended not to see and settled on the bench a short distance away from him.

"Is something wrong?" Renji asked, "You did come, didn't you?"

_He doesn't even know?_

"Of-of course," he lied.

"C'mere."

"What?" Byakuya asked, blinking.

"I want to hold you for a while, if that's okay." Renji mumbled sleepily.

"Oh."

He moved closer and settled into the redhead's arms, resting his head on Renji's shoulder. Renji's head turned and they exchanged several hot, wet kisses, while Renji's hands slid down his back and caressed his soft, round bottom.

"I'm sorry, Taichou," the redhead whispered suddenly.

"What?" Byakuya asked, frowning, "Renji..."

"I know I'm doing a lot of things wrong," he went on, "but I don't mean to. You're really special and I'm glad we're together, but I have to confess I'm scared as hell that you'll leave me."

_He is...?_

_Renji is afraid I will leave him?_

"I've never been this much in love with anyone before, so I keep making mistakes, but I don't mean to hurt you, Taichou. I wouldn't want to do that."

"I know. And I am not going to leave you, Renji. I love you too. I want this to continue as well."

He was surprised at the genuine feeling in the redhead's look of relief.

"Do you want to take me now?" Renji asked, further derailing the noble's already scattered thoughts, "I'll let you if you want to."

_You have no idea how much I want to, but..._

"No, Renji."

"Huh? Are you sure? It seemed to really bother you when I said I didn't want to."

"Well, I gave it more thought, and I came to the conclusion that such a thing should be what we both want before it happens. I will wait, Renji. You will tell me when you feel ready."

"But, Taichou..." Renji objected.

"And stop calling me that," the noble said, frowning, "You must call me by name when we are alone together. I told you. I am not your Taichou here. I am your lover, Renji. Stop placing barriers between us."

"Is that what you think I'm doing?" the redhead asked.

"That is what I _know_ you are doing," Byakuya said quietly, "You are insecure because you are still too focused on our differences."

He breathed in Renji's warm, masculine scent and settled more firmly into his arms.

"We are just two men in love with each other, Renji. The rest doesn't matter here. Not where we came from, what titles we hold or anything else."

_If I tell him this often enough, if I am patient with him, Renji will begin to trust in our feelings for each other. He has never had a stable romance before. He has only known casual love and sex. This is a big adjustment for him._

_If I am supportive and patient, Renji will learn to have faith in what is between us._

"Thanks, Byakuya," Renji sighed, kissing him on a warm, flushed cheek, "Thanks for understanding."


End file.
